Let the Festivities Begin!

Today is the Biscuit Festival in Knoxville. It looks like a lot of fun but I can't attend or rather, I can't indulge so why attend. I decided to make my own gluten free homage to the biscuit. For lunch today, I made two biscuits, one savory as the entree which included herbs, bacon and cheese biscuits topping sliced chicken and the entire thing topped with melted Sweetwater Valley cheese

and one sweet biscuit for dessert which included cinnamon and chopped apples and was topped with a mix of coconut oil, palm sugar and walnuts. Both were yummy if I do say so myself. And although neither of these may be healthy, they did have good intentions. ;-)

The return of the bear......Last night, when I was feeding the horses, Mouse became extremely alert and stood very tensely staring into the woods. It was nearly dark and my old eyes don't function well then so, even though I walked down toward the woods for a closer look, I couldn't see anything. Steve says, "Probably just a turkey or deer." I said, "Why would Mouse and the others react that way to something they see all of the time?" Mouse was very agitated and for her attention to be somewhere other than her food--it had to be something.

When I was feeding the horses today, Sadie, my dog, started barking very loudly and frantically at something in the woods. It was so different that even the horses looked up in that same alert way they did last night. Then Sadie came running like crazy out of the woods and went straight to my truck trying to get into the cab. She kept looking behind her....oh, I forgot to tell you about the roar, didn't I? There was a roar right before she came running out of the woods. Didn't see it so can't say for certain what it was roaring (but know what I think it was) but I can sure tell you...and Steve...that it wasn't no darn turkey or deer!

Sadie surprised me jumping in my truck last night so that she could return to the horse pasture. After we got there however, her behavior changed. She didn't run around playing and dashing into the woods like she usually does. No, last night, she was both mine and Steve's shadow. It was as if she was attached to our legs with invisible string because she stayed at our heels.

All of this has made me think of something. Years and years ago, at least fifteen but I'm thinking even longer (the memory is failing fast), we had friends visiting and we took them to Cades Cove to go horseback riding. It never fails, whenever I've gone on one those type of trail rides, I always get the crazy horse. Of course, they never tell you this until you're already in the saddle. As soon as I was seated, the guide handed me a stick and said, "This guy is a little loco. He'll probably try to stop on you or lag  behind and when he does, whack him on the shoulder with this stick." I asked if he was kidding me but he not only said no, he also didn't seem to have a sense of humor at all. 

So, off we go and old Loco, as I was now thinking of him, was behaving well. He started slowing down and we started falling behind the others. I tapped him, not whacked him, on the shoulder with the stick and Loco did not appreciate that at all. He snorted and turned his head so that he could bite at my leg. That kept us occupied for a while and then Loco actually speeded up a bit, catching up with the others but grumbling all of the time about this crazy woman they'd put on him. Then Loco suddenly stops, he tenses and he becomes extremely alert. I was ready to yield the stick again and angry enough at him to really whack him just like I'd been told to do but I then I looked to see what had caught his attention and stopped his feet from moving. Not fifteen feet away was standing a very large black bear. Trust me, it looked nothing like the cute little guy in that photo. Loco has decided it is time to move on but I yell, "Bear!" Instead of having the affect it should have and moving everyone on down the trail at an accelerated pace, just the opposite occurred, every other rider stopped their horses and began to "oooh and ahhh" over the bear as if they were watching it on TV or behind a sturdy fence in the zoo and not within swatting distance of those very large and sharp claws!

That is when I decided that old Loco wasn't so loco after all. He was probably smarter than all of us because the boy recognized danger when he saw it. We left the others and their obviously mentally inferior mounts in the dust as Loco and I decided to head toward safer territory. Old Loco is probably grazing in heavenly pastures now but I will always be grateful to him for that day. I think bears are lovely creatures but only when observed from a safe distance....like several miles instead of several feet!

Getting squeezed today! First mammogram.....and yes, I do realize it is way overdue. Actually, our insurance company insisted so I can't put it off any longer.

Lost in Memories on a Rainy Day

This is such an appropriate song for such a rainy weekend. Besides, I love this song and I love Bonnie Raitt. She takes me back to a happy time. She takes me back to those long often 15 hour journeys by car or rather van in order to haul all of my stuff to arts and crafts shows. We listened to lots of people in the late 80's and early 90's on those drives besides Bonnie, Rod Stewart, Bruce Springstein, Chris Isaak, John Cougar Mellancamp, Tina Turner and other people who were hot during our "hot" years. It was a lot of work getting ready for those shows. We'd often work for 48 hours straight before we'd actually pack up and leave. We've driven on little sleep and with a deadline looming and we'd arrive with little or no time for set up. We even got locked inside a convention center in the middle of D.C. once and had to beg the security guard to let us out. He did release us but not our van at first. The husband of the lady, a customer, who'd so graciously opened her home to us, had to drive across town to pick us up. By the time he reached us, we'd finally talked the guard into unlocking the gate so we could leave. That wasn't our latest night. For all of my obsession with planning, I never seemed to plan those trips very well because being late was our norm. All of our friends and the show promoters came to expect it. The problem was my poor husband's lack of time. I would carve or sculpt my whimsical characters and creatures and he would assemble for me because he was just much better and neater with power tools. I could have done it myself if he'd have let me but he insisted on doing assembly. The only problem with this was that he always waited until the last few days to do this task and I usually had a large amount of pieces that needed his assistance. Even working together, it would still take far longer than we anticipated. It certainly didn't help that we were both...and are...perfectionists. I think it is that singular trait that has prevented me from making much money with my art with the exception of the pieces I designed for Enesco and they reproduced. And, even with those, I had it written into my contract that I got final approval on the products they created from my designs before they went to market.

Despite all of that hard work, I do so miss those days. Steve and I worked together and were together most nights and weekends. Totally unlike these days when he's always at his friend and business partner's farm nearly every second he isn't at his 9 to 5. And me, I've become a slacker in lots of ways. I keep having great ideas and a multitude of inspiration but I just can't seem to get another business off of the ground. At the time, I didn't realize how happy we were or how much Steve helped me. I don't think I appreciated him enough because part of me resented the fact that I had to rely on him. Now, I wish he were here more and lending me a helping hand and even a shoulder to cry on when I need it. I'm practically joyous when he is here but there is another side of me who has come to accept solitude. For many years, whenever I was alone, I always had to have the TV or radio on. It wasn't so much to entertain me but rather to occupy my mind and to keep me from thinking about things I didn't want to think about, all of the sorrows and losses of life. Lately though, I'm learning to enjoy the silence and accept the losses and bear the pain. There are times though that I still want to hear Ms Bonnie's beautiful voice cutting through the silence and carrying me back to times that I remember fondly. I know they weren't always happy and sometimes, I truly wonder why all I remember are the good times, the fun times, the laughter not the tears because I lost my mother during those years and that was the greatest loss I'd ever encountered in my life.

But it is with great affection that I remember the highs and the joys. I remember being fit...I certainly miss that body....., active and fitting into the cutest clothes. I remember turning heads...not so much these days. Something they don't tell you when you're young or maybe they do and we just don't listen, time is a thief. It sneaks up on you and one day, you wake up and realize that you are old and you will never be young again. Try as you might, you can't regain that body, that vigor. You can't recapture those times, not even the laughter knowing what you know now. And that is why, hearing the songs that bring back those memories is truly a bittersweet experience. It's kind of like the ending of the Waltons...if anyone remembers that show from the 70's. They would all say goodnight to each other as the lights went out in their house to close every show. Mama told me that her family used to do that. So she, Daddy and I started doing that every night. After Mama died and then Daddy, it was a long time before I could watch the Waltons because it brought back that memory. It was a very happy memory but it still made my heart ache with the loss. 

In the past two weeks, I've lost two good friends, have found out that two others will soon be gone and got the devastating news that my best friend since childhood, the person who has always been more like a sister to me than my own sisters, is dying. I can't talk about any of this in depth because it is still far too overwhelming but I can say that in the past two weeks, there have been many blessings, too. My cyber-bro, Gary, came through a very dangerous surgery, nearly died from complications afterwards but now, a week later, he is thriving and feels better and is in better health than he's been in years. I saw a photo of my dearest friend, Huston Jenkins, driving his tractor, mowing his fields. That is amazing not only because Huston just had his 89th birthday but because the past year and a half he has so many health problems from heart surgery that the doctors said he most likely wouldn't live through to a major stroke that they said he wouldn't recover from and then more surgery to repair a broken hip. Yet, he keeps going. He is such a strong person, such a wonderful man. It should be obvious why I love and respect him so much. Then today, a friend I've been concerned about for a long time, someone who has been through her own extreme trials over the last few years, called me. I've been trying to reach her forever but always got voice mail. It was a joy to hear her voice and despite the fact that so many of her problems are ongoing ones, to hear a lighter voice from her. Loss is so extremely hard but life is still good, it is still precious and if there is a lesson in grief, it is to embrace and hold precious every moment, every breath, every love and every joy. Be joyous my friends.

My First Photo Shoot

....with humans that is!

We couldn't have had more beautiful weather. The high was in the mid-sixties and the sunlight was beautiful even when we shot into the harsh afternoon hours. My regular shoots will be an hour in length but this first one was not only family, my lovely niece,Kesley and her guy, Lee, but I was also shooting for the first time at my friend's, Tammy and Chris Shipley's farm. There are so many great locations there. Some offer panoramic backdrops while others cradle the models in color and light. Then there are all sorts of built in props with the machinery, barns and of course, the horses. I will be putting up a website within the next few weeks along with scheduling and pricing information but for now, you can check out more of the days photos on my photography blog.

The caption on this photo read, "What do you think of the new fuller figured dress dummies?"

I question that this is considered "fuller figured" but I applaude having a normal looking mannequin. If all stores would go to this model, not only would women and young girls feel better about themselves and their bodies but real women might have a better idea how those clothes in the shop windows will look on them instead of pinned and tucked to fit a "Barbie doll."

FAT FLUSH WATER !!!
You should drink at least three 8 oz glasses per day, they say the longer it sits, the better it tastes. You can eat them as well but they are intended as flavoring and still work, so that is a personal choice. The Vitamin C turns fat into fuel, the tangerine increases your sensitivity to insulin, and the cucumber makes you feel full. Try it for 10 days and see what you think!

Ingredients per 8 oz serving

Water
1 slice grapefruit
1 tangerine
½ cucumber, sliced
2 peppermint leaves
Ice – as much as you like

Directions
Wash grapefruit, tangerine cucumber and peppermint leaves. Slice cucumber, grapefruit and tangerine (or peel). Combine all ingredients (fruits, vegetables, 8 oz water, and ice) into a large pitcher.

Stir & Enjoy!

I'm definitely trying this. I know I don't drink enough water. This would not only make it taste better but it's so pretty to look at!

Inspiration

What I'm trying to do. The hardest part is the sugar although I have given up artificial sweeteners and anything containing high fructose corn syrup. I'm now using palm sugar which tastes great (almost like maple syrup!) and has half the glycemic index of regular sugars.

New Venture

That's my handsome husband, Steve, serving as model on the banner for my new business venture.

Call me crazy....it's not as if I don't already have a full plate creatively but I'm venturing into a new medium or at least a new direction with an old medium. Besides the equine art and photography, the sculpture I plan to get back to soon and the planned to do new mediums, jewelry and woodblock prints, I'm planning to start a new family photography business. I admit, as with any new avocation, I'm more than a little scared but my first shoot, scheduled for next week, will be with my sweet and beautiful niece, Kelsey and her handsome guy, Lee. I'm sure they will make excellent models, I trust them, and Kels and I are already brainstorming prop and outfit ideas. So, fingers crossed all will go well. I'll be putting up a new website as soon as I get enough photos for a portfolio. I've already set up a new Facebook page and blog (not much if anything posted on either of them for now but I will be adding lots of new stuff and info soon) for this new venture, that's the banner for each above. So, visit, like and follow if you will. It will certainly help encourage me and I'll soon be posting not only sample photos but scheduling and pricing information. Hope to be hearing from you all soon!

A little something different and just for your enjoyment since I don't offer this print for sale. I came across this shot yesterday and wanted to show off a bit of our beautiful Smoky Mountains. This was in 2010 and we'd had a severe draught that year otherwise those rocks would have been covered with water and the water would have been capping white. A few yards down river from where I was standing when I shot this, is usually, in years with normal rainfall, a big swimming hole where people, mainly kids, climb the rocks to leap Geronimo style into the deep pool below. On this day, you could easily wade across that spot; it was that shallow. There was a fisherman who'd traveled all the way from lower Georgia to fish there and he asked me, "Where is all of the water?" 

Unexpected Guest

It is too funny....On this most beautiful Spring day, I've been stuck inside working on the computer. I just got a reminder about what a gorgeous day it is though. I'm sitting here working, still in my pjs (as embarrassing as that is to admit), when I hear a faint knocking at my door. I think it's the back door and since all of my friends and neighbor's, who know me well enough to visit, also know to call first, I assumed it must be a salesman or someone else I don't want to talk to so I ignore it. Then there is more knocking, a pause, and more knocking. I'm becoming a bit alarmed by their persistence.  I start walking slowly toward the back door. On the way, I pass the front door and the sound starts again and I realize that it's that door not the back from which the noise is originating. I also realize that it is scratching not knocking. It sounds large but not as large as a dog, more like a cat. I don't own a cat any longer so I'm thinking it's a stray searching either for its old home or a new one. So, instead of opening the front door and facing a possible furry home invader rushing past me, I get dressed quickly and pull on my boots, go out the back door and walk around the house. At first, I didn't see it but then I asked, "What do you want?" Which made the squirrel, tapping on my front door, jump straight up in the air and scurry up the nearest tree. He never did explain why he was so urgently trying to get into my house!

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Common_Squirrel.jpg

Weigh-in Day

Not my typical day. I started working on my website and Facebook pages before dawn and didn't stop until Steve came home at lunch. I didn't eat breakfast and when I weighed again, later in the morning, my weight had dropped by an entire pound! Yay! I know I shouldn't concentrate on the scale so much but the huge three pound leap threw me into an emotional spiral. My friend Gary, who is having cancer surgery today, my total hero because he is such a strong and spiritual man, and always wise, gave me some great advice today right before he headed into surgery! He said that he'd rather look at weight loss as a symptom. If you begin to eat healthier and exercise more, you will have many symptoms: happier, more energetic, just feel better, and weight loss. He said that I should think of it like that, one of many sypmtoms, and then maybe I will stop obsessing about it. Prayers for Gary today. I'm anxiously awaiting news on my friend. He is such an inspiration. He finds the strength to stare death in the face by loving life and living every single minute.

I lost another good friend on Monday. Ernie Denny was such a sweet guy. He too embraced life, knowledge, adventure. He was such an amazing friend. He constantly offered me his support and encouragement. He was an engineer, an author, and a bit of an explorer. He'd traveled all over the world and had so many amazing experiences but I think he would have told you that his greatest accomplishment, his biggest adventure was raising his two girls. He lost his precious Sam several years ago to cancer. His darling Haley is now in college and makes him proud ever day. Ernie was fit, worked out all of the time and was, to my eye, the picture of health. They think he had a heart attack in his sleep. That comforts me in some way because I know he had no idea what was happening. I'm sure when he opened his eyes, he saw his Sam waiting on him with open arms. He will be missed and my prayers are with the one who will miss him the most, Haley. I pray for her to find comfort because this has been such a devastating loss.

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down....but evidently, not the scale! :(

It's not raining but it is a monday and I need HELP!!!! After a week of making radical changes to my diet and actually starting to exercise again after months of being sedentary, I've managed to gain over two pounds. What's up with that???? Any ideas, suggestions, encouragement, consolation are appreciated.

THE GOOD NEWS? Well, after a week on a probiotic and adding coconut oil to my diet, I have experienced my first pain free week in what seems like forever! I hope the coconut oil is not responsible for my weight gain. I don't think it is because it mainly just replaced other fat, some of which was not as healthy. 

Since I've been feeling so good, my brain has tried to convince me that I can eat foods which I know I can't. So far, I've managed to resist its persuasions but it is wonderful feeling as good as I did in my mid thirties when I was healthy, fit, slender and eating a healthy diet but still anything I wanted....as in the occasional pizza or a biscuit with breakfast that tasted like a biscuit. Still, it is worth the sacrifice to be pain free and have more energy. Now, if my body could just catch up with the way I'm feeling. It would be wonderful to be as active and enthusiastic about life as I was twenty years ago.....and also to fit in those tiny clothes I use to wear. Patience is becoming my new mantra.

I've been discussing this problem with a few friends this morning and I realized something that I hadn't really admitted even to myself. It's just been since I started this diet that I realized how over weight I am. Somehow, the me in my head is a lot slimmer, more youthful and energetic than the person I avoid looking at in photos and mirrors. Crazy as it seems, I think I kept telling myself that something was wrong with those images because that wasn't really me. I think that facing up to the fact that I am over weight and I do need to lose a lot of weight has caused a lot of emotional turmoil for me. And since the weight gain started with my attempt to change my diet and lifestyle for the better a month ago (I've actually put on 15 pounds since the first of March!), I'm wondering if I'm not mentally sabotaging myself to fail. Silly to say that I'm scared but I am. I need to dig deep and figure out exactly what I've been trying to bury, to cover up with all of this weight. It certainly came on with other changes in my life. I think I need to look at that and still maintain the new healthy changes in my life but stop expecting them to produce the weight loss for now. I need to just be content with feeling better and more energetic. I keep telling myself, even if I don't lose the 13 pounds in 13 weeks, by the end of this challenge I will feel better and be healthier for the effort. I just pray I don't keep gaining! lol

Powdered Buttermilk to the Rescue!

I really don't like most of the non-fat ranch dressings that are available on the grocery shelves. I haven't made my own because I don't drink milk...and certainly not buttermilk (I hate the stuff except in salad dressing. Once, when I was a kid, my mom served me a glass of it by mistake and I spit...no spewed!...it out over the entire dinner table full of food and all of the people sitting around me.)....enough to warrant keeping it on hand just to throw 80% of it out. Then I had a rare spark of genius, lol.... powdered buttermilk! I ordered a bag of it last week and today, I used it to mix up a dressing for my lunch salad: 1/4 cup water, 1 T. powdered buttermilk, about a 1/4 cup non-fat yogurt (preferably Greek but I just had plain today), and about 1/2 a pack of Hidden Valley dry mix (I may try making my own mix in the future but I had this half used packet on hand).........IT WAS DELICIOUS!!! I loved it! Mixing it myself allowed me to control the thickness, texture and taste. In other words, all of my objections to the store bought dressings. Why didn't I think of this before now? So much wasted time, money and taste buds but my "sparks of genius" are, unfortunately, quite rare. ;-)

A Murder of Crows

A murder of crows...A murder is what you call a grouping of crows. It's not a flock, certainly not a herd, it's a murder. It seems that also is what's happened to them. Have you noticed how few crows you see these days? I think I notice their absence more because their presence here on our little plot of land used to be so prolific. Their caws served as our alarm clock every morning. It was a true cacophony at once irritating and yet comforting for its familiarity. It was about ten or so years ago that I noticed they weren't so loud and their numbers seemed significantly diminished. Somewhere in that timespan, they seemed to disappear altogether. This morning, I realized how loud the other birds are with their songs. The song birds, thankfully, seem to be increasing dramatically. I've been seeing birds over the past few years that I haven't seen since my teenage years before DDT killed so many of them in one fell swoop.  Seeing and hearing again what we thought might be lost forever is wonderful. But those poor crows, where have they gone?

Drawing by Elva Paulson

A little anecdote concerning crows, I remember our little Murphy cat trying to play with them and the crows chased her and scared her half to death. Murphy was always tiny and crows are much larger than you might imagine. We had a very agressive male cat who also had feline leukemia. I didn't want little Murphy around him because I was afraid that he'd bite her. Murphy was found discarded on the side of the rode after someone tossed her out of a car. She wasn't even weaned, she lost all of her tail and part of her spine, she limped and evidently hurt for the rest of her life but she was one strong, determined little spirit. I kept her away from the other cats because I was afraid they'd hurt her but after six months, she still couldn't meow. Instead, she'd bark like the squirrels she saw out the window. When I began to let her go outside, I warned her about the "boogey cat." Sure enough, one day he starts chasing her and she came leaping toward me, yelping with every bounce and I was saying, "It's the boogey cat, Murphy! Run!" Ever after that, all I had to do was say, "Murphy, boogey cat!" and she'd come running to me...I often used this tactic to get her in when there wasn't a boogey cat in site. So, after the crows chased off their potential playmate, pecking at the poor little thing and flogging her with their wings, I had a new phrase that would make her come running, "Crows, Murphy! Crows!" lol

Alright, just finished my last mile of the day. I'm only doing two miles a day for starters but I am running part of that mile now and it is cross country, up and down hills and occasional rough terrain.....also have to dodge a horse or two. ;-) ........the best news, I feel better, stronger every time I do it and I'm feeling great instead of exhausted once I'm done.....good deal!!